Yay! A List! Now I am fullfilled!!!!

Hello all. I have returned. You may resume standing in awe of my greatness. I would like to say however, that in real life I'm not actually this egotistical. I'm much worse.

No I'm kidding. I'm actually a pretty down to earth guy. I just think that all shall fall beneath my iron fist. Nothing personal.

Chris if you're out there, I took your advice and fixed the logo for your "band". Now it says "Doppelganger Effekt, it's spelt with an unlaut" (sorry I don't know where the unlaut character is on my keyboard) No but seriously I'll send you the finished version, unlaut and all.

Alright now that the fan mail has been answered on with the show. This week I thought I'd leave you guys with a list of my goals and dreams. Only some of them are completely made up. I'll leave it to you to figure out which ones.

So without further ado, I present in no particular order:

Matt's List of Things To Do Before I Die

1. Read all of War and Peace. Not just tell people I have like everybody else does.
2. Develop super powers. Use them for evil.
3. End world hunger and cure disease. Maybe bring about peace on earth and goodwill to all men, if you get the time
4. Use the word antidisestablishmentarianism in a sentence, one that is actually relevant to a conversation
5. Take a bite out of crime.
6. Build a bridge to the future. Then burn it once people start to cross.
7. Diversify my portfolio.
8. Actually have a portfolio.
9. Teach a man to fish. Then break it to him gently that all the fish left are full of mercury.
10. Kill a man in Rio just to watch him die.
11. Become a hipster. Then brood, and complain about every band you like selling out. Oh wait I already did that one. My bad.
12. Start a band, and become popular with the "in" crowd. Then sell out just to piss them off. "Their first album was better..."
13. Steal from the rich and give to the poor. You know like the government. Only in reverse.
14. Open a comic book/music shop. Then verbally abuse and berate your clientele. Because they're not worthy.
15. Buy a house. Soundproof one room then stick drums a mini studio and a stage in it. Host and promote underground bands. Become drunk on your own power and influence in the scene.
16. Start an on-line comic. Base all the characters on people you know. Then they'll pay.....
17. Finish what you

Doppleganger Effekt

Hello

Remember when I said I was gonna post pictures and stuff?
What's that? I'm talking to myself? There's no one here?
Feh, that's never stopped me before. Anyway, as I was
saying, I've finally gotten around to finishing something
I actually don't feel horribly embarassed about posting here.
It's a prelim logo for my brother's band. They're called
Doppleganger Effekt and they rock. I would call them traditional folk-core.
What's that mean? I dunno, buy there Cd went it hits son. You'll be sorry
if you don't. I mean more so. Anyway, here's the pic:



It's not completely finished, I'm gonna do more shading and stuff, plus add this symbol thingy, but there you go. Enjoy.

Later

Matt X

Technology imitates art, which imitates life, which sucks

Hey der

I am back to bring the noise and such.

What's that you say? You'd like me to post another poem?

Cheeky monkey. Nobody tells me what to do.

Alright, alright stop your blubbering.

How about I post an E-poem? What's an E-poem you ask?

What did I tell you about talking back?

Fine I'll tell you. (Bloody whiner)

An E-poem is a poem written in "real time" directly to the web.

That way the creative process is entirely electronic,

without all the pesky interference of "real life"

This ensure that the end result is as inorganic as possible,

while still being spontaneous. It's all the rage.

What's that you say? I just made this whole thing up?

Why you lousy such and such....

Fine doubter, I'll show you.

Here goes:

Kill the modern day view

You'll be burned alive by time

Burried neck deep in yesterdays

and caught in the currents of tomorrow

I raise a fist against conformity

Just like everyone else

I am the barcode

I am the ampersand

No one remebers why

We only remeber when

There was a question no one asked

to an answer no one found

don't go looking for solutions

when you're buried in the ground

I got a fist full of broken promises

and a pocketfull of lies

and I'm burning like the atoms

that are falling from the sky

See? That's an E-poem, a poem written entirely in cyberspace,

that nebulous pseudo-concept that transhumanists fantasize about

and failed Sci Fi writers use a stock backdrop for their "epics".

It's so very po-mo (that's for you CB) and ever so cyber punk.

Anyway, let me know what you think. (so i can make fun of you)

Same day, different sh$t

Yep I'm posting again. Twice in the same day I know. But I gotta make up for lost time see, cuz my computer was down for a few days. So anyway, it occured to me that some of you out there might be interested in learning a bit more about me (Hey it could happen, shut up.)So I thought I'd give you a brief insight into the genius that is Matt. And what better way to do so than by means of hard hitting, no holds barred journalism.

(Caution: May include "liberal bias". And by liberal bias, I mean of course my opinion. And by my opinion, I of course mean the gospel truth.)

So I present for your approval, a totally objective interview with Matt X.

Totally Objective Interviewer: "So Matt, how did you get to be so awesome?"

Matt: "I'm not sure really, I've just sort of always been this way."

TOI: "I see...so how do you deal with the pressures and responsibilities that come with being the object of admiration for everyone who's in the know?"

Matt: "Well it can be hard some times, I tell you. The trick is to take it one day at a time."

TOI: "Do you still find time for the little people? You know like, everyone else?"

Matt: "Oh for sure, for sure....I mean, you have to remember where you came from right? Don't be fooled by the rocks that I got...something, something... No, yeah, I mean, I wouldn't be where I am today without the continued support of people like you." (Gestures towards audience, cheering ensues)

"Thank you, no you're too kind..." (Raises hand...audience quiets back down )

TOI: "Can I ask you Matt, what's it like to be you? What goes on inside your head?"

Matt: "Well that's a very good question.... Let me see, how do I best convey this...You know that feeling you get when you do something that you're really proud of, you know a really cool accomplishment?"

TOI: "Yeah..."

Matt: "Well, multiply that tenfold, that's how I would feel after just like, I don't know....making toast or something....Even the smallest things I do are pretty much more awesome than like the normal human mind can withstand."

TOI: "I dunno man, don't you think that's a little narcissistic?"

Matt: "Next question..."

TOI: "Okay sorry, didn't mean to put you on the spot...I do have one last question though..."

Matt: "Okay, but this is the last one, I really gotta get going..." (Audience: "Aawww....."

TOI: "Okay I understand, you're a busy man....I'll make it quick....Some people would describe you as egotistical, how would you respond to this criticism?"

Matt: "Okay....That's it, this interview is over!"

***Storms off***

Once again I shall enlighten the philistines....

Hey there True Believers! (please don't sue Stan)

I bring you news and candy from the vast and barren wastelands of cyberspace. (Matt X claims no responsibility for the validity of his claims of free candy. Should you feel let down by the lack of availability of said proverbial "candy", or perhaps some sense of entitlement, Matt Co. Inc. offers the following statement: TFB.)

I've been experiencing some computer trouble this past little while, but rest assured I'm back and better than ever. The revolution will not be stopped!! Or, um, televised. Anyway, I'm gonna hit you guys with another one of my brilliant works of wordsmithery.

This one's called Note to Self. It's pretty simple and straightforward, but I like it.

Note to Self

Write yourself a note
Tell yourself to be okay
Throw yourself a rope
Make the shadows go away
Give yourself a hand
Only quitters bow out now
Take it like a man
Self expressions not allowed

Do what they say
You don't believe
It's just not your day
I think you should leave

Mouths full of knives
Fists wet and red
No one survives
Inside their head

Don't stay down
Get back up

Get up
Stand up

Don't let them push you around
Come back swinging
Knock em down

Run through the fires
Tear down the walls
Don't trust the liars
You're on the ball

Write yourself a note
Tell yourself to get it right
You are made of hope
Things will be alright

Yeah it's sort of cheesy, but it's self affirming and all that sh%t. Shut up. I never liked you.

Help keep the youth of America from exploding

(My apologies to Less Than Jake, from whose song title I stole the idea for this post. Please don't sue. I have nothing you would want)

Hello all. Time for another informative session of Matt says stuff. Brought to you by Matt Co unlimited and thanks to the support of my rage
and viewers like Bob. You should all be more like Bob.

Today I'd like to take a moment to address a serious issue afflicting the youth of today. I've seen this problem ignored far too long, and I feel it is my responsibility, nay my duty to address this most grievous blight on the countenance of decent society. That's right I'm talking about spontaneous combustion. This debilitating phenomena has been plaguing our youth since the early nineteenth century. Considered to be a societal taboo by many at the time, it was not often discussed, for fear that entertaining the notion would land the offending individual in an institution. Later on, as society's ideas about medical and psychological afflictions became somewhat more progressive, the subject did become a more open topic of discussion, but due to the somewhat repressed and stiffled culture of the early 20th century, a lot of incidents of SC remained unreported. It was considered by most to be a family affair, most people didn't want other people to know, for fear they would be judged. As a result, a lot of Spontaneous Combustion went on behind closed doors, so to speak. Bob Andersmithson, a completely real guy I did not make up for this post, recounts his firsthand experiences of living with SC during that colourful era most often referred to as the "good ole days" (Unless of course you happened to find yourself not to be an upperclass white heterosexual protestant male, in which case you most probably referred to those times as "those dark days of which we no longer speak").

"In those days, twasn't no great shakes fer a fella to just up an esplode on ya. I remember back in the summer of '42. Me an Sam Hawkins was standin round outside the ol fishing hole. We was just shootin the breeze, when alla the sudn' ol Sam, he just burst into flames. At first I thought he was pullin a prank on me. Sam was like that you see, a real card. Course then he started flailin his arms and runnin round like a chicken with his head cut off. That's when I knew somethin was up. So I grabbed my fishin pail and threw some water on 'im. That helped some. After the hubbub died down, I ast him if he was okay. He looked me straight in the eye an he says :"Weren't so bad, I've 'ad wurst" He was a tough'un that Sam."

"Course we didn't like to talk much bout such things. Weren't much need way we saw it. Wasn't nobodies bizness, it was between friends and all. Never saw no reason to make no fuss about it."

Nowadays of course, attitudes have changed greatly towards SC, it is no longer regarded as a topic that is off limits for disscusion. Nevertheless, there is still a great deal of education that needs to be done on the subject, especially to young children found to be SC positive. These children are most likely to be confused and troubled by their condition, as they are already attempting to gain the attention and acceptance of their peers. Too often those afflicted with it choose to suffer in (relative) silence (it's hard to be completely silent when you're on fire) because of feelings of guilt and uncertainty. They wonder why this is happening to them asking things like "Why do I keep catching fire for no reason?" "Do I explode because I'm a bad person?" "Does God hate me?" "Billy doesn't burst into flames at random, why do I?"

Oftentimes these kids try to hide their condition by dressing all in black, or by secretly carrying containers filled with water. They may even take up smoking, to mask the smell of burnt clothing. They are also often the object of scorn and ridicule, being labeled by their peers in such hurtful terms as "Burnt toast" or "Zippo head" The derogatory term "flamer" is also thought to have had it's genesis as a refference to an SC positive, as is the term "Liar, Liar, pants on fire", which sprang from the notion that anyone who burst into flames without warning was probably not to be trusted. Unfortunately, finding refuge no place else, many SC positive teens turn to street gangs. One such gang, the Afterburners, is thought to be responsible for many of the unsolved arson cases in the greater metropolitan area of Notmadeupton. Local residents often complain of being disturbed by loud crackling noises late at night, and many have reported seeing a redish glow along the main boulevards. If your child should start dressing all in black, and/or coming home late at night smelling vaguely of campfires, please be aware that this may be a cry for help.

What can you do to help fight this horrible affliction? Recently, great strides have been made in the research of this phenomena, and doctors are hopeful that a cure may be found within their lifetimes, however funding is low. In order to garner support and funding, we must strive to increase Spontaneous Combustion awareness. Wear the orange ribbon with the red flame symbol, and when someone asks you about it tell them "It's because I want to keep the youth from exploding!" This is sure to get there attention. If you hear someone use a slur like "Burny", or "Smokey" or tell an offensive joke like "Why did the Burny cross the road? Cuz he was on fire!" Stop the person and let them know that what they are doing is wrong. It is only through love and understanding that we can quell the flames of prejudice against SC sufferers.

If you or a family member would like to make a donation, please make your checks out to the Spontaneous Combustion Assosciation Members. Or send them to me and I'll pass them along.

Waxing poetic

Hello. I don't imagine anyone actually read my last post, but if you did, here's where I make good on my promise and include some poetry I wrote. Feel free to avert your eyes, as I'm hardly the next Blake or Frost. Although I might be the next Ginsberg, seeing as how I saw the best minds of my generation destroyed by madness, starving, hysterical. They were watching MTV.

Anyway here goes. This one's called Buy U.
It's sort of an ode to capitalism.

At any given moment there are
a thousand spinning wheels,
spinning furiously to produce
their chaotic organization,
fervent momentum towards a common,
yet strangely non-communal goal.

Every individual instant
there are a million raised voices
spouting oxymoronic slogans
and endless hackneyed and empty idioms
that serve as a buffer
from compassion and understanding

Somehow there exists
this perpetual motion,
hands continually grasping,
clawing, pulling us forward
in the search for more wealth,
less meaning, more status
and less substance.

This cycle will continue,
unabated, into perpetuity.
They will be feeding the flames
of this fire even as they
themselves are consumed by them.

And when decay rots away
their greed and they fall
away into judgment
others will grow up
like weeds
to take their place.

If you can hear me
over the din
of the machinery
take heed:

Life is not for gold,
we are souls,
not solely bodies,
and there is a purpose
beyond consumption,
a world beyond this one
of gun-smoke
and plastic wrap.

.....Pretty wordy huh?
Or as the intellectuals say "verbose"
Let me know what you think Ye Philistines.

Matt's Army: Conscription is low, but morale is high. 

An Introduction

Hello, I am new at this sort of thing so bear with me. Or at least be bare with me. Or possibly with bears, whatever floats your boat. My name is Matt and I was sent here from the future because I lost my keys. Have you seen them? They very much resemble keys. They may or may not be covered in blood. It's a long story.

What's that? You wanna know more about me and my various feats of resplendidnous?
Well I'm a graphic design student here in the great city of Montreal, Quebec. That's in Canada. If you're in the U.S., it's a little bit to the North of you.

My interests include video games, comic books, anime and manga. I also watch a lot of movies (when I'm not in school and actually have the time) since I work part time at a video store (Hey it pays the bills. It's better than doing phone sex. Or is it? Hmm....) Chances are if you heard of it I've seen it, and have a derisive, sardonic comment to make about the film, and quite possibly your person for having watched it.

I also love music, particularly rock and roll. I'm what you might call an audiophile, I must have my tunes and I've been known to listen to everything from punk and hardcore, to hip hop, jazz, soul, funk, electronica, folk, and yes even country (if I must).

I also am somewhat of a patron of the arts (heh heh, that's so pretentious). I have a diploma in Fine Arts, and as I mentioned am studying graphic design. I paint, draw, sculpt and do photo editing and computer imaging (No 3D graphics or web design yet, although I'm working on it)

I also sing a little, play the drums, write (both poetry and prose) and read as much as possible.

So yeah, that's about it. As mentioned this is my first go around at this whole blog thingy, so I've really no idea what it's supposed to entail. I plan on filling these pages with as much nonsensical gibberish as possible, along with my own poetry and drawings. Feel free to judge them and offer any comments or criticism's you like. Although keep in mind that doing so may result in my adding your name to my already lengthy "to kill list"