This is the place where I say stuff. I promise not that it shall contain nuggets of truth, timeless wisdom, or even be at all sensical. It will most probably also not be witty and urbaine. If it is it's probably by accident. It will however be written by me, be spliced with my poetry and drawings, and it will rock. (maybe)

Monday, February 20, 2006

Time again to drop the science

Hello, my name is new poem.


This one's called Metro.

I am in transit again
moving around this city like electrical charges,
underground cables. Everyone, everything's in motion,
crowds gather, disperse, jostle for position.
People sit next to me but say nothing,
don't make eye contact, too risky,
you never know what they might do, strangers.
In our heads kinetic energy, free form thought.
I can almost hear it, like the humming of fluorescent lights.
Plans are made,
regrets mulled over,
I wonder what's for dinner tonight,
I hope I get this weekend off,
my parents are going to kill me.
Conversations interrupt the silence,
intermittent, isolated
only those concerned need participate
a bizarre public privacy
We are dreams and souls,
fear, hate, love, war, peace, beauty, truth
horror, pain, longing and fulfillment
We are gathered in the throng,
alone together,
uniformly disconnected.
We are a makeshift city of nomads,
a river that spills on a thousand shores.


Pretty deep huh? That's how I roll sucka punk.


P.S. Joey if your reading this, do you still need that logo or did you go with other guy? Sorry it's
not done yet, so much school that eyes are bleeding and sentences are running on. And where's my response to the response on article? Also I finally got your myspace link a workin. Now your traffic will increase nonefold.

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

Happy Valentines you stupid doodyheads

Hello. Many of you without a healthy social life (read: anyone actually reading this) may not have realized this, but Valentines day, that holiest of sacred holidays has come again. Celebrated in honour of St Valentine killing a grizzly and mountain lion with his bare hands so that the children of his village could have giblets and entrails to eat all through the coming winter (I assume. Look it up yourself, what am I a history teacher?.) , Valentine's day has come to be associated with chocolate hearts and mushy romance movies. Having recently fallen victim to these halmark sentiments myself, I feel the need to vent a little about this "magical" day. Here's the story: I recently got up the courage to tell a girl (who I was already friends with) I was really into her. It didn't go so well. She was already going with this other guy (which I knew full well), but it was pretty early on in their relationship (they hadn't even kissed yet), so I figured I had a shot. Turns out I was wrong. Oh so very wrong. Now I'm left to pick up the pieces of my shattered ego and heart. (Audience: Aaaawww....)

Now, seeing how I'm not the type to take responsibility for my own mistakes (which are many), I needed some kind of scapegoat. And since this all happened to transpire around the same time as V-day, I feel that I was the victim of forces beyond my control. You see, there's a lot of money to be made from this whole Valentine's thing. Card makers, florists, chocolate manufacturers, all stand to make a cut. So it's in their best interest that we be all like lovey dovey and googley eyed and twitter pated and what not. So they try to make sure that we are. How do they do this? Well for one thing, Hollywood puts out like 38 romantic comedies, tragic love stories, and "gripping" explorations of love conquering-the-odds-and-winning-in-the-end in a given month. Even though I don't really watch these movies, I work in a video store, so I can't really escape there ubiquitous influence. Which is why, like a complete idiot, the hapless romantic part of me thought things like "So what if she works with me, it'll be okay, we're meant for each other." and "I'll sweep her off her feet so bad, she won't even remeber that other guy's name." Yeah I know, I'm retarded, but you gotta understand, you're not thinking logically when you look at someone and think to yourself "I just want to hold her in my arms" At that point your pretty much done for.

At any rate, to counteract all the crappy, sugar coated, love conquers all BS that's pretty much all you hear about this time of year, I thought I'd vent a little and put forth what I think are some slightly more realistic V-day thoughts songs/poems/ect. Some of these are gonna be a little dark, since the wounds are still a little raw, and the whole experience has left me a little more jaded than usual. This too shall pass. I'm gonna post a few right now, and a few more later after I think of some more. Enjoy

Matt's Anti V-Day sentiments:

Love means always having to say I'm sorry. Again.

A broken heart is like a flat tire. It happens when you're not expecting it, leaves you stranded, in need of a change, and often times, professional assitance.

The biggest problem with giving someone your heart, is that there stands a chance that that person may not have one of their own, and may just keep yours.

The card I want to give you isn't made by hallmark. They don't have one that says: "You reduced me to a hollow, empty shell of my former self. Give me back my diginity"

How can love be so sweet, so beautiful, and yet leave me feeling like I've been drinking poison and you threw away the antidote.

Okay this one's really dark, and a little psycho, and for that I apologize but I gotta say it anyway, it's therapeutic. Basically, I just changed the words of that crappy early 90's song "I touch myself" Here ya go.

{I cut myself, I want you to love me.

I cut myself. I know you're thinking of me.

Oh, I don't want, anybody else.

When I think about you I cut myself.

Oh I don't want anybody else

Oh no, Oh no no no...}

Please note that I'm not really into self mutilation. I was just feeling, well, like hell, and this just kinda came to me. It's actually a pretty good description of how I was feeling. Not to be overly melodramactic or anything, but it's already been a few days, and I still feel like I have some sort of terminal illness of the soul.

And on that note, I bid you adieu...

If you all have any sob stories you'd like to share, go ahead. I'm not stopping you. Or if you have one of those "power of love" stories, lay it on me. I could use a pick me up.

Until next time, I remain awesome as always,

Matt

Sunday, February 12, 2006

Happy Poem!! Yay!! (now sod off)

Hey I'm back.

I'm not even gonna wait for my last poem to sink in, I'm just gonna up and post another one. I'm like prolific or something. Actually it's an older poem I wrote awhile ago. And yes like the title suggests, this one's a little more upbeat. Watch for iambic pentameter or whatever.

I'm gonna smile today
not gonna frown away my day
Don't hear your lies today
So give it up
there's nothing you can say

I'm gonna walk away from
everything that brings me down
I'm gonna leave you here
to miss me when I'm not around

I'm gonna sing today
and hang my heart on melody
I'm gonna laugh today
and no one's gonna get the joke but me

I'm bullet proof you know
you can't hurt me, so don't even try
I've got the how, the what, the when
don't need to figure out the why

I am a technicolor dream
I am an engine full of steam
Don't try to stop me cuz you can't
I am the reason for the rant

I am the fire in their eyes
I am the folly of the wise
You are a thousand steps behind
I am a legend in my mind

I won't be ignored today
I'm gonna chase gray skies away
I am a sword today
That cuts through all the darkness in my wake


Pretty Neat eh? It's like self affirming and like in touch with it's inner child and stuff. I should be a motivational speaker. Cash upfront.

Friday, February 10, 2006

Disco dead and....wait, didn't we do this one already?

Okay, since I know everyone's been waiting

with baited breath for my next great opus,

here's the poem I was talking about

It's tentatively titled Discotech:


Here at the discotech

We're trying to forget

the meaning of our lives

We live for compromise

Come here for second best

No love there's only sex

We'll drink ourselves to death

long as our breath stays fresh

We're bleeding and dying

but nobodies listening

they're too busy drinking

too busy not thinking

Everyone's lying

and nobodies trying

to look a bit deeper

life is so cheap here

we're speaking not talking

we're fucking not loving

we're predators stalking

with words that mean nothing

We'll dance the night away

and die another day

Just take a look around

no substance to be found

that stuff just brings us down

So shake your ass around

turn your frown upside down

Step up don't miss your turn

outside the city burns

they'll find you in the ash

this dance will be your last

Disco's Dead and so are you

Not that much to report in the life of Matt.

Still really busy with school and work, still hate my part time job, still Straightedge (I even wear the posery X's. Although only to school), still having computer trouble (If anyone's keeping track, my power supply burnt out twice, my video card had to be replaced, I've had to reformat several times, windows stopped working, and I've had modem/internet trouble. A lot.).

A while ago I met this really awesome girl at school, and we hung out for a bit. She ended up asking me for my e-mail, and we went grocery shopping (no that's not a euphonism)

At the time I thought she was really cool, she liked the beat poets, she was also a graphic design student, and she had the tips of her black curly hair dyed green. You know I'm a sucker for stuff like that.

Any way, in the process of trying to get to know her better she sort of freaked out on me, so that didn't work out so great. So I'm still looking for that special someone I guess. Preferably a punk rock chick who likes comic books and anime and beat poets and is funny and smart. Not that I'm picky...

Given that valentine's, last bastion of the greeting card/chocolates in heart shaped boxes industry, is once again around the corner I thought it would be apt to share that. I'll have a very special Valentines day post prepared for the day in question.

Moving on....
I went to a party awhile ago, it was supposed to be a fundraiser for the third year graphic design students vernisage. I figured it would be a great chance to meet the other people in my program. It wasn't. Let me tell you why this party, as well as virtually every other club event sucks.

First off, in this case (and in many others) the promo stuff misleads you. The tickets for this thing (which cost me 8 bucks incidently) specifically say Exhibition of the Graphic Design Graduates. Yet there were no artworks on display at the actual event, which really sucked.

Now to be fair, as you might have guessed, I'm more of a rock and roll kind of guy, so i mainly go to rock shows (when I have the cash, which is unfortunately rarely these days), so clubbing isn't really my scene. But i figured, since people from my program were gonna be there, it might be okay. I was wrong. So very wrong....shudder....

I get to this club, which is about 30 minutes away from where I live by bus, and I see these three bouncers standing outside this crappy faux studio 54 rope barrier thing. So I go up and show them my ticket. The guy looks at me and says: "I'm sorry I can't let you in." I say "I'm sorry? Why not?" He says "You're not dressed right, you have to wear nicer clothes" Now, let me stop right here and say that I fully acknowledge that I'm no fashion plate. I was however, wearing my new camo pants, one of my favourite T-shirts, and my favourite running shoes, none of which were dirty or old looking. I lot I looked pretty damn good. So I said "Are you serious?" He says "Yeah, you need better clothes." Now I'm pissed. "Such as?" I say barely containing the anger in my voice. He says "Just nicer street clothes" I was about to tell him just exactly where he could go, but then he looks at my ticket and says "Oh wait, are you with that Dawson thing?" I nod. He Says "Okay, you can go in. This time." So I halfheartedly follow the other bouncer up the stairs. The other bouncer is a 6 foot 5 black guy who tells me to spread my arms so he can pat me down. At this point I'm getting really pissed and beginning to feel a distinct lack of confidence in this evening turning out to be a good time. But I obediently succumb to the search. The guy get's to my keys, and says "What you got here? A knife?" To which I reply, "Well, those are my keys, but there's a swiss army knife attached to them" He says "You can't bring that in here. Leave it in your car." I say "I came here by bus." Then i add "You need it?" He begrudingly agrees. So I leave him my dangerous toothpick and corkscrew equipped weapon, after being assured I could retrieve it later. I then make my way to the stairs that lead up to the main club area. Two more bouncers inform I need to check my light fall jacket, which is more like a sweater than anything else. So I go to check my "coat" at which point I'm informed it costs 2.50. So I go upstairs and take out twenty bucks. (which incidently also cost 2.50) I tip the coat check girl 2.50 and go up to the main floor.

After all that bullshit, I arrive to find the club not only extremely dark and very small, but just about completely empty. Now keep in mind that the third years who set this thing up were supposed to come early to, well you know, be there. Keep in mind also, that it's already close to 11, and I gotta catch the last bus at 1:00 am. So unless people start showing up soon that's not a whole lot of time to "party".

Anyway, I look the club over, it's only slightly bigger than my appartment, which aint that big. There's a bar on both sides, a really small "private booth" section, a "dance floor" which is the crappiest I've seen in quite some time. Not that I club a whole lot, like I said I usually go to rock shows (which by the way never gave me any shit about how I dress, nor did they ever pad me down, despite the supposedly violent nature of the punk and hardcore scene) so it's not like I'm an expert, but I know a dive when I see one. And I don't mean in the quaint, street kinda way. This place was pretentious AND crappy, a turd covered in gold paint.

The super awesome dj was playing some sort of horrible radio friendly "hip hop/dance music/r and b" mish mosh that was so cliche it made MC Hammer's music seem cutting edge. I mean I like hip hop, I love Blackalicious, Wyclef, The Roots, A Tribe Called Quest, K-OS, LA Symphony, stuff like that, but all the gangster rap/cheesy self promoting, superficial stuff that gets oh so much play time just makes me wanna hurt people. That being said, even in that style of music, there are at least some decent songs to be played, songs that might not be the best content wise, but that at least sound good. This DJ had never heard of these songs. This DJ, I suspect, had never heard of a lot of songs. This DJ played two Mariah Carey songs. In the space of an hour.

Horrible music not withstanding, I decided to wait for a bit to see if anyone else showed up. I'd ordered two cokes and was just about to leave when a few people from my program did. So I hung out with them for a bit, we all sort of agreed that this club and this particular party where both less than spectacular. Eventually the girls I was with decided to take off to find another club. I figured, sure what the hell, not realizing it was already 12:30. So I go down and grab my coat, remarking to the coat check girl about the quality of my experience in the club. She smiles politely and says "Yeah". Then I go see the bouncer about my knife. He hands it back saying "Now you know what to do for next time?" I say "There aint gonna be a next time. This really aint my scene man."

Then I walk out and pass by the other bouncer, the one who wasn't gonna let me in. I quip "Best 8 bucks I ever spent" Not sure if he got that I was being sardonic. Anyway, I take a seat on the bench and wait for the girls to come out. Usually I'm not into those kinda ego trips, but it was nice seeing the look on the guys face as I left with them. There wasn't really all that much to it, but let the guy think what he wants to think, he was a jerk anyways.

So I follow the girls to this other club, thinking that it's relatively close by. Turns out it's across town. So five subway stops later, as we're waiting in line, I ask them how they're getting home. They all sort of shrug. Then it dawns on me to ask what time it was. They tell me, and I briefly toy with the idea of going to the club anyways and catching a cab home. I decide that's not the plan, so I run back to the station, catch the subway back to about 4 blocks from the bus stop, and run like hell. I get there about 4 minutes before the last bus of the night is supposed to be taking off, out of breath but glad I don't hafta take a cab home.

All in all it was a pretty shitty night, and it reaffirmed my utter lack of interested in the club scene. Give me a party at someone's place or a rock show any day, at least then if you meet new people you can actually get to talk to them, and/or people are there to have fun, not so they can get into someone's pants.

I was so turned off by the whole thing that I wrote a poem about it.
I'll post it later.

Sunday, February 05, 2006

Your boss sucks too, admit it

Hey there. I'm back. I've been a little stressed recently, what with the pressures of this modern world and the search for meaning in a universe that seems increasingly devoid of interesting people and/or independent thought. Actually it's mainly just school and work. I've been burning the candle at both ends you see, and it's staring to catch up with me I guess. Just seems like there's so much to do and so little time to do it in. Ah well, keep on trucking I guess.

Lately though I've been increasingly dissatisfied with my work situation, what with my working for a faceless corporation who actually list "deceased" as a possible choice when filling out a "reason for termination/leave of absence" form. At any rate, I've been looking for affirmation of my increasing feelings of ennui. That is to say, I want to tell my boss to stick this job where the sun don't shine. The main thing that keeps me from doing so, aside from acute procrastination, is my extreme dislike of looking for work. I guess in some ways I'm being a wuss, I should just take a chance, and somedays (like today for example) I really do contemplate straight up quitting, but I always seem to punk out and rationalize staying where I am awhile longer. Which is weird for me, because the longest I ever stayed in one place before this was 6 months. It's all coming to a boiling point, I've already gotten to the point where I feel a general feeling of contempt and loathing for just about any customer, (except the really nice ones) just on principle that they came into the store. Which is also weird for me, I usually am very much a people person. Maybe I'm changing, maybe I'm ***shudder*** growing up. I hope not, I aint ready to break out the suit and tie yet.

But I've come away from my main point: we all have or have had bosses that are just complete assholes, whose sole raison d'etre seems to be to derive pleasure from stepping on your neck wile they sandpaper off your nipples. Or something. Use whichever allegory you like.

The point is, we've all experienced it, unless you're one of those bastards whose never had to work, since you live of the money you've inherited, or the connections you never earned. If you find yourself to be one of these people you prolly related more to the nipple sander rather than sandee. If that's indeed the case, please do me a solid and punch yourself repeatedly in the face while clenching razor blades and rusty syphilis infected nails. Rinse and repeat until face is tender and unrecognizable as that of a human being, or for 3 hours, whichever comes first. (Note: sorry rich people, it's not that I really hate you or wish you ill, it's just that your usually evil pricks. So stop it.)

But i digress. Most amoungst us can relate. In that vein, I'll present to you this poem I wrote about a particularly nasty boss I had. My recent experiences have unfortunately been simmilar to this as well, awhich is why I thought I'd revisit this old "work"

Here ya go, enjoy
:

When I set myself on fire
Just to know I was alive
You were pouring on the gasoline
and sharpening your knives

When my tears poured like a river
from the ocean of my soul
You were damming up the waterways
and plugging up the holes

There's nothing I can say to you
that doesn't end in curse
I've known some grade A jerks before
but you might be the worst

You're corrosive, You're a cancer
You're the question no one answers
You're as fun as being last
You're like barefoot walks on glass
If I meet you on the street
through some capricious twist of fate
I'll have to summon all my will
to keep from bashing in you're face


There you go. Yeah, he was not the coolest person
in case you couldn't tell from that little bit of rhyme.
Have you ever had someone who hated you and treated
you like crap no matter what you said or did? Well, that was
this guy.

Wednesday, February 01, 2006

A broader appeal

Hello all. I did something I rarely ever do the other day. I actively sought out perspectives I knew to differ from my own. I know, I know. Why waste time finding out where other people are coming from when your just so much cooler than them? Well that's just the kind of guy I am. I try as much as possible to stay in touch with the common man, find out what johnny on the spot has on his mind, get a feel for the people, salt of the earth ect, ect.. No I'm not running for office (although feel free to vote for me. If I make it to power I promise only some of you will be dealt a swift and terrible retribution) I just empathize with the everyman, the unsung heroes of this modern world, the fabric of this rich tapestry we call the human race, blah blah blah.

So how did I seek out these differing view you ask? Well, as is to be expected in this increasingly technocratic society, I used what the kids have taken to calling the internet (or nets if you're an inbred daddy's boy who somehow stumbled drunkenly into the seat of power). Using this "internet", I sought out other weblogs (or blogs as trendy/lazy technophile's have abridged it) in order to gain insight into the sociopolitical underpinings of the rest of the online community. After carefully weighing all the data from a vast array of sources from all across the spectrum, and then analysing the results I've drawn this irrefutablel conclusion: Just about everyone else but me is a stupidface. Ne'er the less, I decided that in order to reach a larger audience (which believe you me, shouldn't be too hard) I've should try to modify my blog to better meet the needs of the masses. As such, I've devised a few different approaches in both style and content, each specifically tailored to resonate with a specific target audience. I've identified the demographic at which each approach is aimed, labeling them for the benefit of those perhaps unfamiliar with the parlance and customs of those groups specified. Should you feel you more readily identify with a different style, feel free to skip ahead to that section. Please note that the greatest of care and research has gone into the forging of each individual style. Enjoy.



Matt's thread, Macho style:

Cars is cool. Did you see the new ford pickups? They can haul all types of heavy stuff. It could pull a tree or log I reckon. Or maybe a big rock. Yup. F%$kin A.

Hunting seasons startin soon. Reckon I'll shoot some defenseless animals. Their majestic forest beauty just pisses me off. This year I'm gonna bring my AK 47. I was gonna bring my rocket launcher, but I figured I'd be more sportsman like.

I need a beer. Woman! Where's mah beer!!

Did you see that chick man, from that new Dukes of Hazard movie. Whooeee!! I'd like to $^%%^##$#$#$ (the rest is unprintable) till her head falls off.

I'm an @sshole


Matt's thread, Nerd Style:

Hey man, you wanna play some D and D? I got the new Stargate SG1 box set man we could watch that. Did you see the new Star Wars? I wore my Jedi costume to the premiere, my mom helped me stitch it. I had to wait in line for 10 days, but it was worth it. I can't believe some people waited until the next day to see it. I'll bet they don't even practice the principles of the Jedi faith. It's so sad really.

Oh man, did you see the new processor from AMD? It's so sweet. Now I can download porn, re-edit movies (I put myself in the lead of the last three Star Wars. Sky Walker be damned.) and work on my original Star Trek screenplay that much faster.

I've never been kissed.


Matt's thread "girl power a la sex in the city by way of the O.C." style:

Girlfriend, you need to tell your man he can't be treating you like that and expecting you to still be with him! What he can't call after 3 days? What there are no phones where he is? Girl, you need to find yourself a new man. It's like I was telling my girl Julie the other day at Trendy Fashion Hut, (Editors note: Probably not a real store) you gotta have a man who appreciates you. You know, buys you flowers, remembers your name, romantic. And he's got to be sensitive, we don't want no emotional cripples. No sir. Most men are pigs. Or dogs. Or possibly pig dogs. They don't even deserve a slap upside the head. That's why you gotta hold out for a good man. Get yourself a man like my Billy, he's a good man.

Other girl: But isn't your man a kick-boxer? And an ex-con? I'm pretty sure he's cheating on you right now. He told he was going to yesterday.

Girl, you don't know what you're talking about. My man Billy's a good man. You don't know him like I know him. He's sensitive, and mysterious. Plus, I know I can change him.

My man is sensitive.



Matt's thread Punk Rock style:


Oy! This F%^&kin thread is F^&*kin poser!!!!
This thread ain't F^&*kin Punk!!!
ANARCHY!!!
BREAK STUFF!!!
I'm F^&*kin straightedge and therefore F^&*kin BETTER THAN YOU!!!
If you disagree with me I'll F^&*kin PUNCH YA!!!
My favorite band is being signed to a major label !!!
They're F$%^kin SELLOUTS!!!!
I am well versed on important social ISSUES!!!
Which I will express by yelling and/or SWEARING AT YOU !!!
I"m a NONCONFORMIST!!
Just like all my FRIENDS!!!
We all dress the SAME!!!
Cuz we're REBELS!!!
If you don't dress/talk/act like us then YOU'RE A POSER!!!
I hate POSERS!!!
Why can't they THINK FOR THEMSELVES!!!!
OY!! OY!! OY!!

I'm a misunderstood @$$hole.

Matt's thread Omish/pioneerl style:

What devilry is thus? An electronic devil box?!?!? Ah, It's swallowed my soul!! Ones and zeroes be the devil's playthings! Tis not a good usage of one's time. Tis no barn building. And speaking verily of barn building, the witchcraft contained on yon magic cube tells nothing of the buliding of a fine barn. After much vexing I managed to ask the contraption to inform me of "american wood" and the result twer not at all as expected, english.


I'm a trogolodite made famous (ironically?) by a movie starring Han Solo.



Matt's thread awesome style:

No change


There you go. Hopefully one of these styles speaks to you.

(Note: Matt X and all subsidaries of Mattco and it's parent company Super Happy Carcenogenics take no responsibilty for any specific style not speaking to you